The Equivalent Of
by CloveeD
Summary: It's an equation that Kurama cannot solve. YuusukeKurama. Subpairings inside.


Summary: It's an equation that Kurama cannot solve. YusukeKurama. Sub-pairings inside.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Too bad.  
Warnings: Yaoi, duh.  
Pairing Warnings: YusukeKurama main, mentions of HieiMuroko, past YusukeKeiko, minor YomiKurama, and past HieiKurama.  
Author's Notes: This was born from a temporary need for YusukeKurama fics that have what I want in them. And this was posted before all my other half-written HieiKurama fics because this chapter was done first. I changed a little bit of the original settings in the manga/anime, so this probably counts as **semi-AU**. Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei, due to their demon linkages, still look like 18 year olds decades after all was settled and done.

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**"The Equivalent Of**"  
_ by CloveeD_

-

**Chapter 1: _Perish the Thought_**

Four years after Keiko had passed away peacefully in her old age, Yusuke gave into his demon nature and returned to look like he was only eighteen.

Kurama had always admired their love - this deep bond between Yusuke and Keiko. The two knew each other the best, and knew what to do for each other, when to help (or hit) each other, and when to simply trust each other when there seemed to be no concrete reasons as to why they should. A deep bond like that was something Kurama could not really understand. At Shiori's hands, the Youko could understand just a little - like he knew vaguely what direction this mysterious entity was, yet he never really knew how to _grasp_ it.

"You are being too perfect about it." Yomi had once said, "No one would know if you need anything if you seem like you have no weakness at all."

The reminder seemed to wake Kurama up from the daze of confusion he was in for many, many years. He then set to work right away, being a fast-learner and diligent worker for his own goals, Kurama picked up parts of his own life and made it seem like he needed something. _Someone_.

And so now Kurama had weaknesses.

And while that was all good and within his new plans - human friends looked at him a little less like looking at an idol, neighboring demons ran away a little slower when he is in sight, and Hiei (while giving a distained expression and a 'Hn', knowing that it was all part of Kurama's plans) cooperated a little more - Yusuke was the only one who did not change. There had been no observable changes in the way that Yusuke was acting toward him, now that Kurama put on a guise of a 'human' that was not so perfect.

_Why?_ Kurama wondered, walking back toward Yomi's abode in the demon world in a daze after years of experimenting with his new facade. Why does Yusuke still act the same way toward me? Humans had never been so complicated. Demons were always under Kurama's control. Could it be that Yusuke, like his father, was still too powerful and different from the rest of the world for Kurama to understand or grasp?

The second time Yomi ever gave Kurama advice, Yomi 'looked' at the Youko through closed eyelids for a very long time without saying anything, and then the demon started laughing.

What's so funny? Kurama asked patiently, a little put out.

If that half demon boy had been your target from the very beginning, then why didn't you just go to him like you would have as a Youko years ago? You were...never shy. Yomi said, lightly lifting Kurama's chin up, speaking volumes about the meaning behind those words.

I'm not being shy. Kurama said coolly, I'm being_ reasonable_.

You're not being reasonable. Yomi shot back, smirking. You're just scared. And scared of what, I wonder?

Pushing away from Yomi's grasp, Kurama sighed. I don't know...I don't know. Maybe I just don't understand how they can be so deeply bonded. I don't know how I can approach something I have no grasp of whatsoever, and try to be a part of it.

My, Yomi teased, if you weren't in my bed, I would have thought that the great Youko Kurama is actually in love.

Then, the demon paused, 'looking' at Kurama, and then continued, _Perhaps you are._ He said, much to Kurama's dismay. I always thought it would be that little fire demon of yours instead.

He's not mine. Kurama said with ease, rolling over to lounge across the other demon's torso. He's one of my most important friends. But he doesn't want me and I don't want him. We tried before and it wasn't the best either of us could do.

And...us? Yomi teased again, you're not going to break my heart so harshly like last time, are you? I was in tears...supposedly.

Nah, Kurama said, leaning down to capture Yomi's lips. We wouldn't want any tears shed for something that's not gonna happen, would we...

_And he was wrong._

-

**You're weird, Kurama.** He said, holding out an ugly green umbrella over the student's head, **I thought you would be the one who would remember to bring an umbrella instead of me.**

Ah, I thought so too, Yusuke. You've caught me being rather careless today. Kurama smiled, standing up from the soaked stray cat's cardboard box, his own crimson locks dripping, soaked, in the rain.

For a moment there, Yusuke just stood there and watched the redhead from under the offered umbrella. It was impossible to describe the Youko to be innocent. Not in a million years. Yet, rain drops rolling down his long hair the color of blood, heavily spilling over his pale face, watching Kurama smiling softly in the rain with a kitten dripping wet between his white fingers got Yusuke lost for a few seconds. Then, he woke up and pulled the redhead underneath his ugly green umbrella. **Come on, my house is closer**, he said, **let's go get you and the kitten dry and warmed up!**

_Protective._ Kurama had always noticed. Yusuke, ever since their first harsh meeting with him stealing the Mirror, was _protective_ of him - _of him_ - for reasons that Kurama could only understand on the surface. Yusuke was probably seeing something similar to a self-sacrificial nature within Kurama that Yusuke could not help but try to put a stop to. It was what Kurama thought, and Kurama was half right.

Yusuke was protective of him. Partly because of Kurama's obvious self-sacrificial nature, but for the other part, even Yuusuke was not sure why.

It was like if he didn't do it, he would miss something important.

So if that was what the instincts told Yusuke, he had better follow it.

Could never be too careful and miss whatever that important thing is as a consequence, now could he?

I think you're still way too cold right now. Yusuke said in slight surprise after feeling Kurama's forehead while drying the red, silky hair. How long were you in the rain, Kurama?

The redhead looked up at him, and Yusuke couldn't really put a word on the Youko's expression. But the expression gave Yusuke an urge to --- to _slap_ the Youko, to pull the demon roughly toward him by the collar, to tightly _embrace_ him, to _kiss _him --- _**something**_. And Yusuke wasn't really sure which to choose.

_I don't remember._ The Youko said. _I don't really remember how long. _

And then the Youko smiled. But you found me, didn't you? I think I'm going to name the kitten Yuu-chan.

What? Yusuke squawked indignantly, No, no, I'm do not look anything like that little black fur ball over there. Name him Hiei sounds way better!

What is he talking about, Yuu-chan? Kurama said to the little black kitten. I think he's mad. Let's go get you some milk before the big scary man over there gets to you, alright?

Kurama gave the kitten a small peck on the nose, and made his way to the kitchen. Yusuke sighed. He lost that round. It was hard to win when the opponent was Kurama.

-

It was hard to get very complicated between them - Kurama and Yusuke, that is. They both liked simplicity - Yusuke would keep all his money in a large bowl and grab it daily without ever keeping record if he could, and Kurama would keep his simple family, perfect student lifestyle forever in this lifetime if he was given the choice.

At the same time, it was so intricately complicated with them, that neither of them really wanted to clear anything up at the moment. Yuusuke never really stays out of troubles that were not complicated, it was in his blood and soul. And Kurama was a complicated individual to begin with. He naturally thought things ten times over before he made decisions, thus he would never truely choose his simple life over the complicated one if he were truely given a choice.

He'd like to have an exterior explanation to cover their complexity up, but really, Kurama had no choice but to call either of them self-contradictory. That's why, when Kurama woke up in Yusuke's bed with his blood red hair spilling over the half-demon's bare chest, with a lingering scent of sex in the small, messy room that belonged to Yusuke, he realized that he couldn't avoid the complications that were already happening ahead of him in life.

_Good morning._ Kurama said, deciding to take the first step in this war-about-to-be.

Turning over to face the voice with a low groan, Yusuke opened his eyes and there was Kurama. **Good morning.**

_Ah, I thought you'd have a little more drama to your reaction in a morning after._ Kurama said with a sly look in his green eyes.

I'm not a baby anymore, Kurama. Yusuke pillowed his head with his arms, and looked up at the ceiling. **We both knew this was coming long ago.**

_...I didn't know you planned ahead, Yusuke. Are you trying to surprise me?_ the Youko said mildly. Yusuke could tell that the Youko was anxiously trying his very best to avoid what Yusuke was about to say next.

_**Do you fear me?**_ Yusuke decided to ask instead.

The Youko laughed, Yusuke, _of course I fear you. You are a powerful demon to behold._

No, Yusuke said calmly, gently catching Kurama's chin as he spoke looking into those sly green eyes. _**Do you fear me, because I love you?**_

_Not in love._

_Just __**love**_

_As in - always have. _

_**Always**_

_**  
**_

**Always**.

Yusuke's hand was abruptly slapped away. Kurama stood up and his voice wavered a little as he quickly started to dress, _This was a mistake. I apologize for being misleading. This will **not **happen again._

Yusuke said nothing, did nothing, and watched quietly as Kurama pulled on his long jacket in desperate attempt to leave as quickly as possible. The Youko was running away.

_**It will.** _Yusuke said, with a firmness that sent chills down Kurama's spine. _**You know it will.** _

Kurama slammed the door as he left - something he would never do in several decades no matter how agitated he got. And Yusuke smiled, eyes as clear and strong as ever. _It will happen again. You will come back. I know it and you do too._

_- _

Somehow, Kurama felt like he lost a very important battle in this war.

Feeling rather dejected, he went to visit Hiei, with four full cartons of ice cream in toll.

You're pathetic in your old age, fox. Hiei said around the spoon in his mouth (the spoon that Kurama forced him to use if he were to eat any of the good stuff inside those cartons).

Oh, Hiei, try to be a little gentler in comforting your friend, will you? Kurama sniffed and bit into another spoonful of the ice cream that he had brought along.

But you're eating my sweet snow.

_I_ bought it in the first place.

Che.

They ate more ice cream in a friendly silence for a while, and then Kurama sighed loudly.

Why couldn't I have fallen in love with you or Yomi instead? This is so..._annoying_ for a lack of a better (or manly) word.

What would have been better if you had fallen in love with me or that Yomi-bastard? Hiei asked instead, proceeding to tear open and licking the insides of the now-mostly-empty carton in his hands. Face it, _you just don't want anyone to love you in the first place._

I do! the Youko recoiled back against the thick branches of the tree that they sat atop of. I do want love.

You just think you want it, because of what Shiori showed you. And what Yusuke and that ningen girl had. You like what you see but you don't really want to be a part of it.

_How can you say that for sure?_ Kurama protested shakily. That can't be true! That can't be, because I actually _**love Yusuke**_!

...Ah...

I think that's what ningens call a slip-of-the-tongue phenomenon.

...Shut up.

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_**To be Continued...**_

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End Notes: For some reasons, I always write mild angst even if I don't want to. And then right afterward I would insert some things that have nothing to do with anything.

...And I should be writing homework right now. AH SOMEONE STOP ME.

And don't forget to review and tell me what you think!

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